Why I have a gender-neutral Alpaca
Imagine filling out a form at the dentist and one of the questions is, “Are you an astronaut or an auctioneer?” The chances are; you are neither. This is often what it feels like for our non-binary friends when they are asked their gender. You either make your box or you have to choose whichever gender you feel most like on the day (yes gender is fluid, you can fluctuate)
You’re probably not the person who builds the forms at the dentist, so while you cannot change that, you can change how you address them. Now I get that neopronouns may not be as ingrained into your vocabulary as her/him, so you might want to practice.
For me, on my own journey; this is where Stevie came in — an amazing garden ornament that my mother bought for our new house… Stevie is a non-binary Alpaca
So I thought that this would be a great way to get used to non-binary pronouns in an environment that wouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable (except Stevie, but let’s pretend that they don’t feel things for now).
I sometimes make mistakes and call Stevie a “fluffy boi” or call them a “her”. It also allows me to google the correct terms without the worry of pausing a conversation
If a gender-neutral person’s sibling has a child, they’re an auncle to that child — what a cool word right! I wanted to get used to saying it so I asked Stevie if they were an Auncle and what was their family tree-like. Then I wondered if Stevie themselves had children, what is a non-binary term for mother/father, mom/dad?? Well, rest assured, with Stevie I could pause, whip out my phone and ask our friend Google… Turns out parents choose their own names, pa, ma, na — I guess it’s whatever your baby calls you first.
So anyway — if you’re concerned about messing up pronouns, get yourself a Stevie and practice at home, ask them what they want for dinner, how was their weekend etc. Get used to it, it’s much better making mistakes at home than at work, in the pub or anywhere else there are people around
Every non-binary person I’ve met has been super patient with my prolonged uuuuuuuuuuuum when I’ve tried to figure out how to say something.
It’s on us to make sure we know how to talk to our friends, colleagues and family
Much love, Teri x
